The Pain of Lies and Returning Home
by Xander and Kanja
Summary: This is for you, Hollyleaf!All you Hollyleaf fans out there, enjoy this short poem of her!This is a poem in her POV of when Squirrelflight reveled the secret of her birth up untill she returns home at the end of Hollyleafs Story.So, in short, this is just a poem of Hollyleafs Story, if you have read it yet, or not, these are the main points.Enjoy!And please do review if you read!


**This is in honor of Hollyleaf, one of the three Thunderclan cats that I absolutely fell in love with after the Firestar era(such a sue... -_-) So, all you Hollyleaf fans, this is for you and her!**

The secret couldn't be let out.  
I had to do this.  
Ashfur would have told everyone if I hadn't.  
But now that I look back on it,  
I guess I didn't need to...

You see,  
I follow the Warrior code.  
Everything about it is my life.  
And once I learned the truth about my birth...  
Nothing made sense anymore...

Mother-no. Squirrelflight,  
Told Ashfur the truth right  
In front of the three of us.  
Lionblaze, Jayfeather, and I.

She said-and it pains me to say,  
That we are not her kits.  
That instead we are Leafpool's,  
Her sisters kits.  
A medicine-cats kits.

I was horrified.  
I thought I would die.  
I thought I couldn't live with myself anymore.  
I didn't care if I was burnt by the fire raging through camp at that time.  
All I could think about was how much it hurt.

And then she said that Brambleclaw wasn't our father.  
Crowfeather was.  
And that made me hurt even more.  
That was a second code broken,  
And they were breaking both the Medicine and Warrior cat code.

Medicine cat's aren't allowed to have kits.  
It's against everything they know.  
Warriors aren't supposed to take mates from different clans.  
It just causes to much conflict between the clans.  
To much love if there is a war.

At that moment I started to hate myself and everything in my life.  
Hate Leafpool for breaking the medicine cat code.  
Hate Crowfeather for taking a mate in Thunderclan and not his own.  
Hate Brambleclaw for allowing Squirrelflight to keep this a secret from us.  
But I mostly hated Squirrelflight for making us believe that I was pure Thunderclan.

It all made sense now,  
Why Leafpool wanted at me to be a medicine cat when I was a kit,  
Why she tried desperately to make me change  
My mind when I wanted to train as a warrior.  
I reminded her of Crowfeather.

Now I knew why I didn't look  
Anything like my supposed parents.  
Instead of having russet fur like Squirrelflight,  
Or a brown tabby pelt like Brambleclaw,  
I had pure black fur-just like Crowfeather.

I started to panic.  
Ashfur loved Squirrelflight,  
And he was going to tell all the clans  
Of her betrayal at the next gathering.  
Not unless I let him.

I saw him padding along the lake  
The night of the gathering.  
I snuck up to him,  
Lept,  
And blood flew.

I had killed him.  
I broke yet another code of the warrior.  
I quickly washed off his blood and the fur  
That had snagged between my claws.  
Then I went back to camp before anybody noticed I was missing.

At the gathering I couldn't help myself.  
I was being torn in two.  
I realized that Ashfur's death was unnecessary.  
I told the clans Leafpool's secret.  
In front of every cat at the gathering.

In front of all four clans  
And with Starclan listening.

Brambleclaw was shocked and betrayed.  
Crowfeather-that stupid piece of fox-dung,  
decided to act like his love with Leafpool never happened.  
Squirrelflight said nothing against it,  
And neither did Leafpool.

I couldn't stand to see their faces anymore.  
I couldn't take the full blow of what I had done.  
I turned around and ran from the island,  
Knowing that a silent war was wagging.  
I couldn't live with myself anymore.

I ran through the forest.  
I syddenly remembered the tunnels running  
Underneath the four clans territories.  
I ran to the nearest one,  
Lionblaze and Jayfeather not far behind.

I made it to the entrance,  
Rain pelting down.  
The tunnels will flood soon,  
And I could hear the tunnel mouth start to moan.  
It was sure to give way soon.

Better to make my death slow.  
Make me suffocate underground.

"Don't do this Hollyleaf." Lionblaze meowed.  
I lashed out at him.  
"You don't understand!"  
"We do" Jayfeather sighed.  
"No, you don't" I said, backing away into the tunnel.

The mouth of the tunnel started to collapse,  
And I ran in,  
Not even afraid of  
What might happen to me in there.  
I was more afraid of what the clans think of me now.

The rocks tore at my pelt,  
Hurting me and making me bleed.  
I tripped and scraped my paw on the  
Ground as the tunnal continued to roar.  
This was nothing compared to the pain I felt deep inside.

I shouldn't have survived.  
I should have died.  
But I can't go back to the clan now.  
I can't go back to face my kin and the lies they told.  
They abandoned me, and it's best they think I'm dead.

Fallen Leaves came to my rescue.  
My cuts were infected.  
I was dying.  
He should have left me.  
But I let him save me.

Then I heard voices from a tunnel in the cave.  
And a scent.  
Thunderclan.  
My heart longed to be with my clan and my kin.  
But instead I helped them out.

Fallen Leaves said I  
Will know when the time was right  
To return to the clan I abandoned long ago.  
I hope he was right!

I heard those voices,  
Different ones a few moons later.  
The sent of Windclan,  
Along with a voice I recognized...

Sol!  
Whats that fox-heart doing here?!

Then I heard them.  
Dovewing and her sister Ivypool.  
They were in a tunnel that was branching into  
The one with Sol and Windclan warriors,  
And they were onto them.

I had to get them out quick!  
They were sure to be caught and killed  
If I didn't!

I couldn't stop my paws.  
I couldn't stop my racing heart.  
I couldn't stop my mouth from saying what I said.

"My name is Hollyleaf,  
And I am from your clan,  
Thunderclan,  
My home."

**I know that this isn't all that accurate but, what can I say? I'm not the kind of geek that has the books right next to me reading the word-for-word dialouge that happened at the key parts. So anyways. I hope you enjoyed this little poem!**


End file.
